The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

(MAY.11.2008)
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in N.Y.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburator. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

(MAY.10.2008)
8 things you'll never hear a man say :
8) Here honey, you use the remote.

7) You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

6) Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!

5) While I'm up, can I get you anything?

4) Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.

3) Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.

2) Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

1) We never talk anymore.

(MAY.9.2008)
Three guys are out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.

Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, "Okay, if you can really grant wishes, then double my IQ." The mermaid says, "Done." Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight.

The second guy is so amazed, he says to the mermaid, "Triple my IQ." The mermaid says, "Done." The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping all the scientists in various fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes with his friends, that he says to the mermaid, "Quintuple my IQ." The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I don't usually try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish that you would reconsider."

The guy says, "No, I want you to increase my IQ times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

"Please," says the mermaid, "You don't understand what you're asking, it will change your entire view on the universe. Won't you ask for something else....a million dollars, anything?"

But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his IQ increased by five times its usual power.

So the mermaid sighed and said, "Done." And he became a woman.

(MAY.8.2008)
Ahhhh Men ...
Boys will be boys, but one day all girls will be women.

Why do men have a spine?
If they didn´t, they´d suck their dicks all day long.

Men - Can't live with them, can't play mind games without them!

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

How could Will Rogers say, "I never met a man I didn't like"?
He never had to date one.

What do you do if you see a field full of men?
Smile.....and reload your gun.

How can you tell if your husband's dead?
Sex is the same but you get the remote.

Diamonds are a girls best friend. A dog is a mans best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander?
It's too little to be out alone.

The only reason men are on the planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy the drinks.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

(MAY.7.2008)
The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:

has to work hard;
has to work at great depths;
has to work upside down;
has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work;
has to work in a high humidity environment;
has to work at high temperatures;
does not get weekends and holidays off;
does not get time off after extra hours of work;
has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.

Request denied for the following reasons:

does not work 8 hours in a row;
does not answer immediately to all requests;
does not have a degree;
after a short activity period, falls asleep at work;
shows no fidelity to the workplace;
retires too early;
does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.

(MAY.6.2008)
A Bedtime Prayer ...

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man,
who's not a creep.

One who's handsome,
smart and strong.
He's not afraid to admit
when he is wrong.

One who thinks
before he speaks.
When he promises to call,
he doesn't wait 6 weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,
won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair & opens my door,
massages my back & begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who will
make love to my mind.
Knows just what to say when I
ask "How fat is my behind?"

One who'll make love
till my body's a twitchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too,
when he goes to the kitchen!

I pray that this man
will love me to no end,
And would never compare me
with my best girlfriend.

Thank you in advance
and now I'll just wait,
for I know You will send
him before it's too late.

Amen