I'm supposed to write an article detailing password management software. There's only one problem. I despise password management software.

Look, I'm not some huge porn mogul with employees, affiliates, members and dedicated servers. I'm just me. Titmowse. I have a hard enough time keeping my firewall activated and my anti-virus software running. Despite my best efforts to protect my machine, it died last week because I don't know why. Could have been a virus. Could have been spyware. Could have been my doing something stupid.

"The best password software in the world can't force you to you create portable backups. No matter how much you spend or how good the program, if you kill your computer, it's all lost."

Regardless, that piece of hardware is now a piece of trash, and if I had any password management software installed, those passwords would be trash too.

It's not the first time I've watched one of my computers die. Sadly, it won't be the last. Computers crash and expire. Such a thing is to be expected by anyone that works with the bloody things. The only factor that keeps me from completely losing control when I kill a comp, is that I have backups for all my software, serial numbers and my precious passwords. I keep a password file on my hard drive but I consistently copy that file to a removable disk for safekeeping. The best password software in the world can't force you to you create portable backups. No matter how much you spend or how good the program, if you kill your computer, it's all lost.

Yeah. Yeah. Password management software does much more than simply store the keys to our valuable cyber-possessions. Password Managers make our work easier. They remember when we can't. They save us time. The are a godsend for any kind of sizable company. Fine. Let the big dogs play password. I would rather depend on my old friend NOTEPAD.

When I create a new hosting account or join a new webmaster message board, I add all the pertinent information to a special text file. I keep that text file on the hard drives of both my computers. I also store a copy on CD and sometimes on a floppy. Even if I kill my machine before I've had a chance to update my portable password file, I will still have access to the majority of this vital info. Most of the time, one can recover a password from an online source by filling out a 'forgot password' form. It's not so taxing to retrieve passes, one or two at a time. When you lose twenty passes at once, that's a crisis.

Let's talk about security and passwords. I am knowledgeable enough about online security to be highly superstitious. I run firewall and anti-virus applications, full time, now that I have broadband. I mostly surf with Firefox and use Thunderbird as an email client. I run six different spyware scanners/killers. I install security patches whenever my Windows OS reveals a hole. Nevertheless, the idea of my passwords integrated into the memory and processes of my browser and hard drive terrify me. I don't let sites 'remember me' and I flush my cookies after every meal. I don't trust password managers because I think they act like big, fat targets for hackers and data miners.

See? I told you I was superstitious.

By all means. Use password management software if you feel you must. If your business has a large membership or client list, I don't see how you can control passwords without software. This article is for the individual webmaster or tiny adult company. This is for those geeks that are smart enough to make webpages and run sites but too stupid to keep from murdering their own computers. This is for newbies and luddites.

Open NOTEPAD. Enter passwords, usernames, contact emails and registration codes for all those important sites, services and software applications you need to keep your enterprise open. Save the .txt file with an easy-to-remember name and store it to your hard drive and on a removable disk. Any time you sign up or join anything online, add it to your password text file and update your backup copy. That way, no matter what, you will be able to access the tools, sites and services that you depend upon.

Software schmoftware. Fancy schmancy. Leave complicated to the big pimps. Use extravagant programming or browser embedded password managers at your risk. Me, I'll stick with my NOTEPAD and text files. They've saved me so far. When my new computer arrives later this week, I'll have that puppy up and on the web in no time. I got my keys because I Get Physical with Passwords!