"Humans can profess sexual enlightenment when they are not personally affected, but approving of pornography in general is far different from living with someone who actually works in it."

I was asked by my editor to write a piece on relationships and porn. I thought the request a little funny considering I've not been a "relationship" for quite a while. I do not know what it's like to be romantically involved with another while working in the adult Internet.

It's not that being in porn prevents me from having a relationship. It's not that I don't have lots of experience with relationships. I just have not been in a relationship since before I got into online the smut trade. Being employed by a company that makes it's money from sex would not detract me from a new relationship. My detraction from romance has a more troublesome cause than being a sex peddler.

We all have that list, that list of prerequisites for a potential mate. Now that you're involved in the erotica business, you might find your list needs to be amended or you could find you need a new list for the relationship you're already in.

How high on your index of priorities does acceptance of your lifestyle rank? Will you tell that new potential paramour you deal in dirty pictures right off the bat? Or will you have to break it to them slowly? Will you make the mistake of hiding your truth altogether? If you are lucky enough to have someone you care for, do they know what you do? Do they like it? Does your life sync up with your list?

Male or female if you traffic in porno, what you do is a huge turn-off for a great many likely sweethearts. Men face hostility from wives and girlfriends who either find porn repulsive or a possible open door to cheating. Women who make their livings from mature entertainment face being thought of and reviled as whores even if they just do the accounting for an adult company.

While it's true most men love porn, they don't necessarily love the idea of "their women" being mixed up with it. Even gay and lesbian relationships suffer from the strain of a life in the sex sector. Humans can profess sexual enlightenment when they are not personally affected, but approving of pornography in general is far different from living with someone who actually works in it.

What's worse is that if you're like the typical adult webmaster, you spend as much time toiling as doctors do. Fourteen-hour workdays are not uncommon in this business.

Is somebody feeling a little lonely around your house? If you're in the more serious lifetime commitment of raising children does their other genitor doubt your ability to be a good parent? Is your family missing you? Having a family is one of the saving graces of human existence. Are you endangering yours through negligence? Extend that to blood relatives, those close to you and the others you encounter in your town. If you can find the time to have a social life, do you let those in your circle know what you do for a living? When your intimates become acquainted with the reality behind the porn mogul myth will they love you anyway? If you've finally reached the financial goal you planned for when you got into porn, is there anybody left in your life to share the gold?

The difficulties one encounters with societal intercourse are daunting enough. When you factor the adult Internet into the formula of your life will you like answer to the equation? Can your love life handle the stigma of your lifestyle? These are questions you have to ask yourself and sometimes the answers aren't easy to accept. Your mate may accept what you're doing out of love yet still not approve of what you do.

Is it fair to expect your mate to live a life they don't really want? Will time breed resentment between you that manifests in separation? When you run off the porn convention and get your picture taken with naked models, do you take your lover? Do they stay home and quietly suffer your indulgences? A hard drive full of pornographic images could be enough to drive away most suitors. Are you ready/willing to subject the souls closest to you to the 24/7 existence of a smut monger?

I'll tell you right now, I know enough about relationships to say that concealing your vocation of sex is never ever a good idea. You can fudge your details to the cashier at the grocery or claim to be in Internet marketing at the PTA meeting but you can't hide it from the ones you share spit and bathrooms with.

Your spouse and any progeny you have will find out somehow because they always do. Whether you're considering a relationship or are already in one, the revelation you "do porn" for a living can throw a wrench in all your plans. That special someone has to accept you for who you are and what you do. If they don't, it may not end your love but it will certainly impact it.

Hiding the truth of your vocation only delays the inevitable when it comes to your love life. I've learned the hard way that love doesn't "work itself out" for the sake of love. Long term relationships need constant vigilance and short-term relationships are for the young.

The complexities of attachment are the reason I sit in front of this monitor extolling advice on a subject of which I have no direct knowledge. I've been without a significant other all this time because I have gotten to a point where I'd rather be by myself than commit my heart to another failed union. The more I live and love, the more I know what I don't want. I can pretty much tell after spending five minutes with a man if there's any possibility of a future. My list of requirements for a mate has only gotten longer in spite of the lessening of my attractiveness.

The truth is, I'm not the hot babe I used to be and men my age want a coed while younger men want my money. Now I have to add, "must accept I work in porn" to my checklist of stipulations for whoever I choose.

In fact, recently I turned down advances of an interested fellow (who fit 95% of my list prerequisites) because a personal connection with me would endanger his job. He was okay with my profession and I was okay with him but we were both too old the upset our lives and security for a fondness that might not last.

So no, I can't write authoritatively about love and porn. I can write about love. I can write about porn. What I can do is tell you I still look for love but have no intention of changing my job just to attain it.