"People need the net. They don't just like it. They need it and they're beginning to need it more than almighty television."

Can you imagine going without the web for two whole weeks? Talk about a nightmare!

Let me preface this frightening tale with the shocking results of a study done by the Online Publisher’s Association (OPA: http://www.online-publishers.org). This research effort entitled ‘Generational Media Study’ was conducted to determine “how the Internet, television, radio, newspapers and magazines compare across the generations on a range of attitudinal measures”. The study was geared towards 18-34 year olds.

The OPA claims that 97% of their target test group believe “online is the same or better than magazines for finding information about products and music”. 83% say “reading a story on the Internet is the same or better than reading one in a newspaper, and 67% say that watching a short video clip online is the same or better than watching highlights on television”.

The OPA findings go on the state that “the Internet and television are the top two media choices among 18 to 54 year-olds, with 45.6% of respondents citing the Internet as their top pick, followed by 34.6% who choose television”.

Okay, maybe that’s not shocking to those of you who can’t remember when television was black and white and music came on big, vinyl disks. But to this old Mowse, that’s a pretty astonishing bit of information. A rising half of consumers under the age of 54 prefer the Internet over television, magazines and radio when it comes to media. The web will soon be the number one media choice and it took less than ten years to get there. That’s INSANE!

So what if some evil bogeyman were to sneak in and take your Internet away from you? Sounds spooky, doesn’t it? Well it really happened and it ain’t no Halloween trick!

Those mad scientists at Yahoo got together with some other mad scientists from OMD Media and Conifer Research. They devised and implemented a ghoulish experiment called ‘The Internet Deprivation Study’. (http://biz.yahoo.com/bw/040922/225261_1.html)

These heartless fiends made 13 households, containing 28 innocent people, live without any connection to the Internet for FOURTEEN WHOLE DAYS! No email! No online news! No search engines! No chatting! The monsters!

Those poor people were forced to live their glaring days and dark, dark nights without the light of the beautiful web and for what? Cold, hard findings, that’s what. Findings like:

“All participants in the qualitative portion of the study found living without the Internet more difficult than they expected, and in some cases impossible, because the tools and services the Internet offers were firmly ingrained in their daily lives. Participants found that many daily activities were impacted and impaired, including booking travel, checking sports scores, communicating with friends and family, and paying bills. Nearly half the respondents in a complementary quantitative study indicated they could not go without the Internet for more than two weeks and the median time respondents could go without being online is five days.”

The torture resulted in conclusions such as:

“The Internet afforded participants the ability to move quickly in and out of their roles between work and personal duties. Without access, they felt exposed in their everyday working environments. Despite the fact that they may need to call friends to make arrangements or read the daily newspaper to find out news, participants expressed that they looked unproductive and lazy to their colleagues when engaged in these activities using traditional means. The Internet helped them conceal these activities and helped them do it much faster.”

Participants in this cruel study were reduced to zombies who could only say things like:

"We couldn't plan a weekend getaway." Or "I'm starting to miss emailing my friends -- I feel out of the loop."

How awful. How mean. How enlightening.

It’s refreshing to hear a tale of undying devotion to the World Wide Web. Yes, a few surfers were hurt in the process but they have proven a truth that is stronger than the forces of evil that would do us harm. People need the net. They don’t just like it. They need it and they’re beginning to need it more than almighty television.

Take comfort from my frightening fable. Learn from the excruciating agony felt by the victims of the Internet Deprivation Study. Remember the lesson of the Generational Media Study. The Internet is here to stay. You can’t kill it with magic. You can’t destroy it with a stake through the heart. Surfers are your voodoo slaves. Now go out and dig some up!