I never thought I’d be a pornographer. I never thought I’d be a mother. Yet here I am both mother and pornographer. There’s a hell of a mix.

First, let me address those adult webmasters who feel that parents should not be pornographers:

Fuck Off. Raise your own damned kids and leave me the hell alone. If I want to work in the Internet porn industry, that’s my choice. If I choose to be both a parent and an adult webmaster there’s not a damned thing you can say about it because you’re a pornographer too. So, shut up.

"It's not easy to raise children, period. It's even more difficult when mommy or daddy has made an unconventional career choice."

It’s not easy to raise children, period. It’s even more difficult when mommy or daddy has made an unconventional career choice. We smut mongers aren’t the only ones who have to explain our jobs to our kids. I lived across the street from a family where the father worked for a nuclear munitions facility. Those kids could never tell us exactly what their dad did for a living. Hell, he couldn’t tell us himself. I would imagine the vice-cop parent has to sugarcoat his/her job duties to both friends and family. The assistant office manager will probably never share the humiliating details of corporate ladder-climbing to the little ones. Parents hide ugly truths from their progeny all the time.

Children don’t process ideas in the same way that adults do. You can’t possibly get a three-year-old to understand the concept of death without scaring the crap out of him or her. Death is forever. Three-year-olds can’t comprehend forever. On a lighter note, grown-ups laugh at Groucho Marx because of his clever lines and bawdy humor. Little kids laugh at Groucho because he’s got a funny mustache. If you have small children then it would be pointless to try to explain to them the concept of adult entertainment. I wouldn’t even try and if they’re under school age, they probably won’t even ask.

Obviously the adult webmaster parent has to shield the kids from the tools of the trade. Adult content is for adults. Duh.

However, it’s up to you as a parent to determine what your kid can and cannot see. Western culture is blatantly sexual these days, especially pop culture. Your kids will encounter sexual images and messages and if you’re lucky, they’ll ask you to explain those images and messages. Also, the day will come when your kid is too old to fall for pretty stories. When that day comes and your kid asks you straight out: "Are you in porn"? How will you answer?

My kid knows what I do for a living. She’s always known. I told her then that I make websites for adults. I also told her that there were people who don’t like what I do and who think I’m wrong to do it. Over the years, I’ve made it clear to her that I think sex is good and healthy but it’s also very serious business. I’ve taught her that adult entertainment has nothing to do with the reality of human love. Porn is fantasy. Sex gives life and takes life. Oh, and...I wouldn’t be a self-respecting feminist if I didn’t tell her that porn exists because men are pigs.

When it comes to my career, it’s easy to hide it from tight-assed neighbors and nosy PTA moms. When it comes to my child, my friends and my family, they all know because I am not ashamed to tell them. My sister knows. My brother knows. My friends know. If my parents were alive, they’d know. The people who matter to me know what I do and that includes my kid.

Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t go around flaunting my job in front of my child. I work on a separate computer than she does. I stay in my room to work or I wait until she’s gone to bed. I suppose if my kid were very young, I might even rent office space. Fortunately for me, I don’t really deal with the porn too much anymore. I’m mostly a writer these days. Still, I build the occasional gallery and shop for the odd set of content here and there. Because of this I keep all my adult-related images, links and email on my laptop and on CD. There’s no porn on our family computer. Luckily, I’m mother to a girl child. They aren’t ruled by testosterone like boy children. She really doesn’t want to see sex. She’d rather watch Buffy.

Inevitably there are those people who ask me the “what if” question. What if my daughter decided to become a porn star? How would I feel then? What if she became a cam slut because of my bad parenting?

My response is that in my house, there’s no such thing as a slut. I did not raise my daughter to believe such outdated claptrap. If an adult woman wants to make a living shoving bananas up her ass, then that’s her choice and her right. If my kid decides to become a porn star and she’s happy with that choice then who am I to complain? I’ve had a lot of jobs over the years that weren’t porn yet still made me feel exploited and dirty.

I am what I am. On the whole I think I’ve set a pretty good example as a parent. I make a nice living without a college degree. I have evolved from a party girl/waitress into the owner of my own home-based business. Hell, I’m even a stay-at-home mom now. When it comes to parents, my kid could do worse.