I tried my dear Froggers. Lord knows I tried.

I downloaded and printed out the new proposed 2257 regulations. I sat down to read them and my fucking head exploded. After I scooped up my brains and tried again, my efforts did me no good. I would get about half way through the second page and fall into a hypnotic stupor.

I thought, “Well Mowse, now you have proof. You’re really a fraud. You don’t know shit about anything and this document is going to be your downfall!”

I visited the boards and read all the opinions of other webmasters, content producers and armchair lawyers. I read the opinions of real lawyers. I looked up and found the few mainstream articles about the new DOJ regulations.

Then I went back and picked up my hard copy of the proposed regulations. I got about half way through the second page and threw up.

The only comfort I had was in reading the old Title 18/Article 2257 regulations. Ahh simplicity. A few sweet pages. Nice and succinct, even for lawyerspeak.

I felt like I failed you all. I know you’ve been waiting for old Titmowse to take all that gobbledygook and reword it into a language that humans can understand. I know that these proposals have got webmasters scared as hell. I know that I understand enough about the proposals to realize their implementation will wreak havoc throughout the adult Internet. I’m also pretty damned sure that’s what that stone-breast-covering pussy in the US Attorney General’s Office wants.

So I did the only thing I knew to do. I took my printed copies of the old 2257 and the new proposed 2257 and gave them to my cousin.

You see, my cousin is a lawyer. My uncle is a law professor and specializes in criminal legislation but he doesn’t know I’m in the porn business and I want to keep it that way. My cousin on the other hand, knows what I do and he’s a very smart guy. I showed him the old and the new 2257 stuff and begged him to help me make sense of this monkey shit.

The fact is we were at a family reunion and there wasn’t a whole lot of opportunity to talk at length about record keeping requirements for pornographers. Not in front of the kids and certainly not in front of the old folks. For the few moments I did get to discuss the issue with my cousin he did give me these bits of wisdom:

1. The new, proposed 2257 regulations are badly written.

2. This part of the original US CODE: TITLE 18 > PART I > CHAPTER 110 > Section 2257 is what gives Mr. Asscroft the right to fuck with us:

“Any person to who subsection (a) applies shall maintain the records required by this section at his business premises, or shall make such other place as the Attorney General may by regulation prescribe and shall make such records available to the Attorney General for inspection at a reasonable time.”

That was all the discussion I’ve had with my cousin about this. He promised to send me his opinion as soon as he could. Unfortunately that was a while ago and the deadline for comment on the new proposed regulations has passed. The DOJ removed the proposals from their website and now it’s a waiting game.

Mind you, these new regulations are PROPOSED changes. That means there’s a chance that the ACTUAL changes will differ greatly from the proposals. The changes were introduced in June, 2004 and the DOJ gave us a whole two and a half months to send in our comments. According to federal agency procedure, the DOJ can make the new 2257 into law as soon as they review public comment. The current estimate on the turnaround for this is late September/early October.

Johnny and the gang tried to slip all this under the radar but fortunately for our industry we got wind of it and many sent their comments about these new regulations in before the August 26, 2004 deadline.

The best part of all this is that the Free Speech Coalition is on the case. You can read what they have to say on the issue at these links:

http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/040827/laf035_1.html
http://www.freespeechcoalition.com/FSC_2257_Comments.htm

For many years, the Free Speech Coalition has been the defender of our industry and they need your support. You can make a donation by visiting:

http://www.freespeechcoalition.com/Join.htm

I apologize Froggers. I wish I could give you the definitive lowdown on this low move by the DOJ. I wish my freaking cousin would get back to me on this. However, he’s a busy guy and for the price (free) I can’t complain. I promise you’ll hear more from me after Ashcroft makes his move.

Think good thoughts.