** This Event Took Place On: October 24 - 26, 2003!

This is not my usual article. There are times when it's difficult to report objectively about a webmaster conference. I am finding it harder and harder to come away from these gatherings and report only the sunshine. It's time for some rain.

"No one is going to hand business to you on a silver platter. We make our own destinies and our own fortunes."

Last weekend, I went to the Vancouver Webmaster Summit. I had no expectations, other than to see some friends, talk a little business and partake of the pleasures this lovely city has to offer. I had read on the website there would be conferences, golf games, and other various forms of entertainment. On paper, every portion of this meeting contained elements designed for webmasters to interact and exchange information, checks, drinks and laughs.

Upon arrival, I learned something about myself. I've become a comfort snob. In Florida, the Westin spoiled me with their bedding. In Vegas, the Venetian provides me with wonderful room service, spacious suites and gambling.

Vancouver is a city which is growing by leaps and bounds. Construction is everywhere; yet, the charm and beauty of this city shines through. The hotel, however, left much to be desired. As much as I consider how little time I spend in the room, living in a closet for several days leaves much to be desired. The hotel was not dirty. Some might call it retro or antique. I just thought it needed renovation. As an aside, there was once a conference in Chicago at a seedy Holiday Inn. There was nothing about that hotel to recommend, except one thing. They loved us. We arrived to the most welcoming hospitality I have ever seen. Down home friendliness more than made up for the lack of amenities. It's amazing what we will excuse when the home away from home treats us with respect and affection. More importantly, the 'service with a smile' is genuine.

The Crowne Plaza clearly didn't want us there. There are reports of a reservation clerk sticking out her tongue at a webmaster. I was told I did not order a smoking room. I could not have a smoking room. I must be mistaken. And, if they did give me a smoking room, I would be taking one away from others. Did I really want that? I was subjected to robotic voice tones, repeating the same thing over and over again. Surely the reservation lady, even though of Oriental descent, must have had some of my Jewish grandmother's genes, as she delivered a guilt trip with the same smooth practise many mothers use on their children who are not cooperating.

As one who travels once a month, I believe I know the difference between ordering a smoking room as opposed to non smoking. We did manage to straighten that out; but, only because I have overcome my need to succumb to that kind of manipulation and I insisted my room be a smoking room. I could have acquiesced, nodded, smiled. And, then in the room, use a glass and smoke anyway. I chose the other way. More aggravation for me? Maybe. When checking into a hotel, often times, I can get a sense of how well I'll be treated.

The room was a closet. Small. Cramped. Old. Rather than dwell on the condition of the room, I instead concentrated on why I was in this fair city. Sushi. Yes. I drove three hours for a sushi party, one within walking distance. One where I'd get to see 50-60 webmasters. A great ice breaker for all of us. Especialy those of us who adore sushi as I do. What a nice way to start this trip. The food was excellent, the conversation stimulating, the camaraderie A-One. Guerilla Traffic footed the bill and we were grateful.

After dinner, we wanted to continue the evening and a strip club was mentioned. Interestingly, I could hear some moan about going to a strip club. After all, we look at naked bodies all day long. After thinking about it, I'm going to throw out a theory as to one of the reasons a strip club is a great idea for the adult webmasters. Where else can a group of people go and talk about business without having to use code or whisper? I think we go to these places because we can talk about business without anyone raising an eyebrow.

Thursday night in Vancouver isn't much different than anywhere else. It was fairly quiet, which was nice. We could hear ourselves. The drinks were adequate and we had a nice relaxing few hours.

On Friday, we were awakened by the fire alarm. Personally, I don't think it was one of us because it happened at 10 a.m. If one of our own were going to prank, I think the time frame would have ranged between 3 a.m. and 7 a.m. By ten, most of the mischief makers have already passed out from the previous night's revelry.

The golf game, which was scheduled at 2 pm didn't seem to be very organised. Since I wasn't involved, there's not much to report on it. But, there were grumblings heard from those who thought it was one time and it turned out to be another time. The plan was sound. Golfing is a great place to conduct business and network. For those who were able to get there, I'm sure it worked well. For those who didn't, the score card was showing one strike for this conference.

My friend, AaronM (AMPContent.com) invited me up to his friend's hotel. Mr. SleazyDream, a much smarter than average bear, housed himself at the Four Seasons across the street from our closet. The next conference will find me asking him where he's staying and then I will follow suit. Sleazy Dream, his brother Grant, Cameron, Jay from Nexpectations (Nexpectations.com), one of our esteemed sponsors, Matt, Katlicious, Afrekete from Erotica Cash relaxed in a spacious suite, imbibing soda, beer, vodka and wine and leisurely discussed the affairs of the Internet, the world and who loves the cock.

The 'Meet and Greet Open Bar' in the lobby of the Crowne Royal wasn't scheduled until later, so we all went out for a nice dinner. We arrived back to the hotel to find Cyberpunk, one of the conference directors, directing traffic away from the bar area, as two of our esteemed webmasters felt it necessary to act in a way the hotel didn't accept. While I'm not sure what exactly it is they did, which crime they committed, I will say the hotel's tolerance was not very high for anything, their sense of humour really not part of the hotel package. Regardless of what they did or did not do, we were encouraged to go elsewhere, elsewhere being the same strip club we had visited the night before. This time, we had arm bands, which paid for the cover charge. The sponsors were providing drink tickets.

We arrived fairly early, before the others. There was nowhere to sit. There were no drink tickets. Eventually, they did arrive. Then we found out the waitresses hated us. Not because we had free drink tickets; but, that we weren't tipping because of the free drink tickets. That mistake corrected, we then proceeded to have a good time.

A few of us were hungry at 3 a.m. and went to a local greek restaurant. Drinking Hard took us there. He lives close by and chose well. I must admit that breakfast with DH and Cameron and Matt and Tev was a highlight of my trip.

Saturday came bright and early. Perhaps a little too early for one who had not returned to the hotel until well after 4 a.m. I confess I did not attend the coffee brunch served for the conference, which began at nine.

This is where my article deviates from my normal path. Rather than go through every moment of my day, I'm going to switch now to my impressions.

Starting with the complaints, many webmasters were unhappy about the lack of organisation. No one seemed to know who the sponsors were, which was highly irritating and frustrating to the sponsors. After all, they spent hard earned cash to brand their programs and attract webmasters. They were counting on a return on their investment. I'm assured many did not believe there was any return, since no one seemed to no who they were, with the exception of a few.

The meal we shared on Saturday night seemed thrown together. Drinks were not on the house. It was crowded. Many were not impressed by the presentations during the seminars. The hotel didn't like us. The strip club was crowded with nowhere to sit or network. Webmasters stood around for long periods of time, waiting for transportation or instructions. I overheard one guy referring to us as lemmings. We would stand around for hours, rather than making our own decision. When I went to check out, I found out my hotel room was at a special price. I was being charged forty dollars more a night than anyone else. I was met with that same robotic 'party line' I was given when I checked in. Not losing my cool, I very calmly used the old surfer line. I suggested to the clerk, that, if she felt she could not solve this problem, I would simply dispute it with VISA and we'd see what they had to say. Miraculously, my room rate was adjusted. I thought that made for a highly amusing story. We'd wait for someone to play leader. All in all, if one were to judge this conference by its merits, one would say it failed.

I disagree. Mightily. I think this conference was most successful. When we stand around waiting for buses or instructions, we talk. When we talk, we discuss business. We meet new people. Deals, which may not have had a chance to germinate, suddenly took on life between people who had never met before. Things going wrong became icebreakers to conversations, which led to laughter, which led to comfort, which led to business. The closets where we were housed were for sleeping. By the last night, we had four in our room. We managed. We laughed about it. We certainly became closer friends as a result of it. Would I go back to that same hotel? No. Did it ruin my life? Of course not.

Because of the round table discussion, new webmasters were able to speak to veterans, like Shemp, who is one of the nicest guys ever, who has always had time to help, who was there. Because it was not a presentation, there was time for us to pick the brains of those who have traveled this road for years. I don't think it gets any better than that.

Every single moment at that conference created a memory. We will joke about certain events for a long time. I was able to meet people I've only known on the boards. I was relaxed, as opposed to frantically trying to be everywhere at once. Vancouver must have more restaurants per capita than anywhere else, making it easy to find places to go. The shopping was within walking distance.

I think the real heart of the conference was the people who attended. There were the coordinators who tried. I don't know what their budget was. It matters not.

What are important are the results. If there is anyone who attended the Vancouver Webmaster Summit and came away saying they got nothing out of it, they need to evaluate what they expected. No one is going to hand business to you on a silver platter. We make our own destinies and our own fortunes.

Those of us who acknowledged the problems and moved on, came home enriched, securely believing in the future business deals begun. In my humble opinion, this particular gathering will be one of my favorites.